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The 3 Questions to Ask First: for Improving Your Influence, Negotiation and Impact

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The 3 Questions to Ask First: for Improving Your Influence, Negotiation and Impact
 Do you want to improve your negotiation, influence and impact at work or in other relationships? Consider this...
 

Questions can help you change the direction of your thoughts....by understanding your feelings to those thoughts.

In a conversation between two people, the person who asks the questions - and is willing to listen for understanding - is the person who can influence the conversation. Take for instance, for the Negotiator: questions are the negotiator’s most effective tool. 

To ask the right question and welcome/allow the other to respond, is an art all top negotiators have perfected (in various fields and circumstances).

Truth is,  many of us often forget that it starts with the Self. So, if influence, impact and negotiating are important to you, this may help.

If you've ever experienced a curious 5yr old (my son is my point of recall here), you know the truth about questions. This young bright-eyed human, with barely enough sense to come out of that messy puddle or rain, can bring you to your knees in nothing flat- all with the help of his non-stop queries. Each answered query snowballing the ground for three more. You begin to realize in bliss, that there are plenty more to come from this awe-stricken human!
 
As we get older, it's easy to fall out of asking the first person (Self) questions that will serve our higher, best version Self for the "why, for what" we will express/interact with (negotiate, influence, inspire, etc.) others. We can often get stuck in the 'loop' of learned default - getting hooked into the patterns that no longer serve us and communicating/ expressing from that place. The questions can sound like, "Why do bad things keep happening to me?" or, "When will it ever stop?" or, "How can I get him/her to see my point of view?" and I'm sure you can come up with more of inner self-talk/questions...
 

These kinds of questions (consciously and more specifically, subconsciously) can drain and bring us to a stand-still - to more of what we don't want. They keep us arrested in the dungeon of patterns that veer us away from our ultimate intention/goals.

Whenever you find yourself latching on too tightly to an emotion, especially dense ones (e.g., frustration, anger, disappointment, worry, guilt, shame, despair, etc.), your ultimate intention/goal will be stifled.
 
With the goal of diffusing the charge of dense emotions/feelings (for objectivity)...
Here are 3 Foundational Questions to Ask Yourself instead:
 

1. Name the feeling. What is the feeling you're experiencing in the moment of the circumstance you're needing to address? 

2. Identify the root cause (this takes evaluating and validating that feeling & what it's trying to tell you). What's causing this feeling for you? 

3. Satisfy the need/want of that feeling (this takes engagement (action) from best version of Self). What's a satisfying response for that feeling? 

For clients who've experienced my guided hypnosis, they’re provided with a space to regain this understanding about foundational questions to ask self. What they discover is that reframing their inner self-talk – questions included – significantly helps them to think more clearly and with confidence from their core truths in their vitality, wellbeing, genius, talents and gifts. 
 
Let us know what you think about this by leaving a comment below and liking this article! 
 
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